“That’s SO nice.”

People tend to amaze me with their good ideas, acts of love and free hugs. Annie Dillard said it first, but I’ll say it again: How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. How are you spending your days?

Do you feel jealous? Irritated? One annoying person away from rage?

Yes, yes and yes, been there.

But what if we spent more time trying to BE the nice guy. Maybe he’d finish first once in a while. Maybe the real reason he’s always last is because there’s no community, no village to keep him going. In my world, nice guys and girls finish first.

Think about it. These everyday habits could change the world.

Don’t Make Anyone’s Day Worse

It’s a simple mantra I read on Josh Hanagarne’s blog and it made me dig deep. Do I make anyone’s day worse? Colleagues, kids, Mr. Right? (No need to reply, really.) Make a point to remember not to. Slap it on a billboard, tie a string around your finger, make a mixed tape (remember those?). Above all, do no harm.

Support Amazing Work

There are so many people doing amazing things, with or without corporate support. A few of my dearest friends are blowing me away with their talent. Shout out to Heather Peterman and Tracy Anderson. Keep it up, ladies. Your art rocks my world.

Be Nice

A simple gift can make someone’s day golden. Last week, a neighbor left this paper mousepad (photo below) on my porch. She wrote: “Melissa – Here’s to the ‘brilliant’ ideas you share with others through your columns.” Wow, nice people rule the world. Thanks for the inspiration, nice peeps. I really needed it.

Who makes your world a better place? Give them a shout out, leave a comment below. Leave a link. Above all, be nice.

Thank you very much.

See Also:

Amazing Work

Photo by moonwire

A lot of my friends became mothers this year, many for the first time, a few for the second.

Going from being one of the only ones in the group with kids to being one of the only ones without a baby was hard. My friends became sleep-deprived strangers.

The truth is, having kids of any age makes you a different person than before. Life takes a new perspective. Living becomes a little more challenging. Balance goes a little haywire.

Mommy guilt becomes a constant demon.

During a precious girls night out, my friend recalled some of the recent challenges with her two-year-old and newborn. It was clear she was exhausted, feeling the way lots of us do sometimes: like the life and energy you used to have has been sucked out and turned you into a mombie.

We all have those days, those weeks, those really long school years.

As she stopped for another sip of wine, I said, “Mr. Right and I both think you guys are awesome parents. You’re doing an amazing job.”

She looked shocked. Even like she might cry.

“It sure doesn’t feel like that somedays,” she said.

No, it doesn’t. Been there. And for the record, for my friends, for the sleep-deprived mombies reading this:

You are awesome.

You felt more helpless than you’ve ever been when she cried.

Even after all the books, blogs and magazines with the answers, baby threw a curve ball and you kept swinging.

You pumped at work. Planned the best birthday she can’t remember yet.

You stayed.

You let someone else help.

Worked all day. Woke up all night. Wondered, “What’s wrong?”

You let go of things that pale in comparison.

You put everything else on hold.

You found out: this is really hard.

This is something much bigger than yourself … the hardest job with the best reward.

Stress, times 10. Love, times 100.

Photo by shoothead

Hmmm, there are lots of reasons.

Or, maybe you truly love your work, or at least parts of your work, so this question doesn’t apply. If so – awesome. The rest of this might not be for you.

But if you don’t love your job, or even worse – you hate your job – please read on.

Check all that apply.

Again:

Q. Why do you stay in a job you don’t love?

- It’s good money

- No time to do anything else

- Lazy

- Bad economy

- Debt

- Fear

- No other option

Here’s what I believe: These answers should not define the rest of your life. That’s why I started a new site about finding and building Amazing Work.

Check it out, subscribe, comment and all that good stuff.

Click here.

Cheers to a fun, productive week.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.”–Steve Jobs in his 2005 Stanford Commencement speech

Photo by rachel sian

Full is uncomfortable.

A full stomach. A full auditorium. Full schedule.

It leaves little breathing room. You know the feeling.

It’s when all the little things you do everyday add up until you feel like a zero.

You don’t feel that good at anything – writing, motherhood, career, marriage, school. Even though you know that’s not entirely true, it still feels that way, sometimes.

Matt left a comment here on reversing that feeling. He said:

I learned from a Tony Robbins book to make a list of things that will empower you and make you feel better no matter what.

Heck yes I want to make a list.

So that’s exactly what I did tonight in my new monogrammed notebook.

How about you? How do you give yourself permission to feel awesome?

Here are some ideas:

Go for a run. Push it.

Take a bath.

Sip the best bedtime tea in the universe.

Listen to music from when you were a teenager.

Eat licorice.

Stretch.

Read a chapter from your favorite book.

Read this poem.

Read this funny walrus thing.

Clean up, organize, label something.

What’s on your list? Written in a book or just in your head, just now, I’m not picky …

Photo by Jenna Carver

My mornings are on the right track thanks to 10-10-10 and love.

They aren’t perfect. But neither am I. Its a good fit.

Another area that needs help is my get up and go – something I usually refer to as a huge mug of “Melissa” coffee. Really really really strong stuff.

And while I’ll never be one to ban caffiene or alcohol or sweetsies, I have to tell ya I’m startin to consider it. I’m dang tired of being tired.

So with all this talk of love and simplicity and living in the moment, its time I practice what I preach. Because tired Melissas are rarely happy. Replace that with irritable, grouchy, moody, you name it, if its a symptom of lack of sleep, it fits.

Starting today I’m adopting these rules. I’m not sure if I’ll notice a difference. That’s what I love about this blog – its a perfect testing ground for my hypotheses. But I have a feeling I’m in the right direction. That’s the kind of life I’m lookin for.

Here’s how to give energy a kiss:

Take a vitamin D supplement. Here is Wisconsin, Mr. Sun has been hiding these days. Which doesn’t bide too well for my energy kisses, seeing that vitamin D deficiency causes a whole basket of trouble, include low energy and fatigue. I found a bottle of D’s for about $10. Here’s to 90 sunshiney little pills, my friend. Cheers.

Drink less, less late. The effect alcohol has on sleep is real – I have proof. Its a pretty simple test I conducted. First, I didn’t drink. Then, the next day, I felt refreshed and energetic. I’m not suggesting an alcohol ban (unless that’s your thing – up to you). But have a glass of wine with dinner instead of after the kids go to bed. Enjoy the health benefits of red wine without the sleep deprivation. Double cheers (and I don’t mean two glasses full).

Eat fruits and veggies. A lot. Five to 9 servings are recommended per day. Ever notice how sluggish you feel on the weekend? A couple drinks, pancakes for breakfast and pizza for lunch will do that to a girl. Start the day right with a fruit. Make it magical with mangoes. Enchanted with … el apple.

How about you? Are you ready to give energy a kiss? What will you do different?

Photo by .craig

There’s something you should know about me: I’m not very fun.

I don’t mean in a bad way … its not like I’m the opposite of fun.

But fun isn’t my style. I’m more about action, getting stuff done and all in a quick, simple way.

So if you need someone to plan a birthday party, you might want to move to plan b.

I realized this last weekend around my aunties: the funnest people in the universe. With them, ordinary life becomes so dang flippin fun. Breakfast becomes, “lol, did you see that” with a side of fruit. Simple things become complicated. A room gets balloons and streamers. A cake gets sprinkles, chocolate chips, words, layers and a plastic sign.

The kicker was my fun-loving Little Girl couldn’t get enough. My aunts wooed her into a fun-coma. My guilt started. Why wasn’t I more fun? How could I change? How could I make all those things I don’t like into something I do?

All the way home, I wondered and obsessed and fretted.

The answer was clear, but hard to admit.

Honest to aunt: that’s not me. That’s not being true. I’m Melissa. I’m a lot of other good things besides fun.

What a relief.

I haven’t given up on fun. But yes, I can live without balloons and streamers.

So who are you? Are you ok with it? Honest to aunt, I hope so.

Be Carmen.

Be Caligater.

Be Tracy.

Jeffrey, Molly, Sarah, Jessica, Ruth, Shea, Jim, Matt.

Be who you are. Own it.

“Trust yourself. Think for yourself. Act for yourself. Speak for yourself. Be yourself. Imitation is suicide.” -Marva Collins

Photo by milena mihaylova

It’s easy to think: Life will be so much better once this happens.

Once I get a raise.

Once the kids are older.

Once I have a baby.

Once I retire.

But that isn’t exactly how it goes. Because there will still be things you don’t like about life when you’re richer. Things you don’t love about having kids. Things you couldn’t plan for. And then what?

I’m not saying you should sit back and live an unhappy life. “Well – so much for that.”

Dream, hope and wish for the future. But don’t spend your life wishing away the moment you’re in, right now.

Take it to heart: The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Look down, see how green it is, right under your toes.

This is your life, today, this morning. An endless landscape of possibility.

What do you love about today?

Photo by adrian.coto

My project this week is to start everyday a little better than the last.

Besides a routine to let love follow me out the door, I’m starting each morning with a simple act of love.

It doesn’t take long – maybe an extra minute or two. Because I’ve noticed how easy it is to get selfish in the morning – when can I take a shower, when can I get out the door, when can I, I, I.

First things first, think about someone other than your awesome self.

Start the day with a simple act of love.

Here are some ideas to help love lead your day:

- Offer to make someone breakfast.

- Do a task they normally do themself. Set out the kids’ backpacks. Pack your lover’s lunch. Brush your daugher’s hair.

- Pour a cup of coffee just the way they like it.

- Spend a few minutes cleaning up their mess.

- Call your mom just to say good morning.

- Give your pet a treat.

- Give someone an honest compliment – in person, on their Facebook wall, send a text.

- Say yes to something you normally shoot down.

- Give a one-minute shoulder massage.

- Make their bed.

- Write a note of encouragement.

- Leave a comment on your friend’s blog.

- Plan a healthy dinner and think about who you can share it with.

- Think about it: Who needs you today?

- Send a card, just because.

What other simple acts of love can you add?

Photo by Alex Dram

There’s nothing new under the sun when it comes to having a good morning.

Somehow, after nearly 29 years of living, I still haven’t learned. My mornings are rushed, chaotic and sleep-deprived – the complete opposite of what I stand for. I can shower in 4.5 minutes, shave my legs in two and apply makeup in six.

That’s not exactly something I’m proud of.

So here’s my challenge – follow a 10-10-10 routine to a better morning. I’m committed these three steps for the next week. After, I’ll post my thoughts.

So cheers to life. Cheers to letting love follow you out the door. To ending the chaos. Na zdrowie!

10 minutes in the morning. Wake and reflect on life. Think about what the day will hold – good and bad. If you could, what would you change? Snuggle something in the process. Pray, meditate, repeat a compassion ritual. Think about love gently awakening your day.

10 minutes more. Wake 10 minutes earlier to avoid the rush. Take a 6 minute shower. Shave your legs, stop mid stroke and admire them. Not bad, not bad at all.

10 minutes at night. Just before bed, put everything in its place. Dry the last dish, throw out the recycling, lock down, schmoosh the garbage a little lower. Give tomorrow a head start.

How about you? Are your mornings chaotic or loving? Are you ready to let love follow you out the door?

Photo by schani

1. Eating three cupcakes in one day.

2. Hitting the snooze button. Hitting the snooze. Hitting the snooze. Sigh.

3. Bringing a 75-pound dog to Wisconsin Dells.

4. Drinking the whole bottle.

5. Letting the kids stay up 5 hours past their regular bedtime.

6. Curling and teasing your bangs. A lot.

7. Drinking cold coffee.

8. Wedding favors.

9. Eating the free snack on your flight.

10. Your turn – what else seemed like a good idea at the time?

Photo by marimoon