On paper, becoming a step mom didn’t seem like such a big deal.
After all, I had lived with Mr. Right and his kids for years before the wedding. But during our first year of marriage, the raw reality of responsibility began to sting.
Here was motherhood, staring me in the face, daring me to snap.
And I might have, if it hadn’t been for my friends, mother-in-law, really anyone listening to my woes. From the principal calling when Little Boy commissioned an angry mob, to a game of hide and seek at Goodwill, I swear the kids were out to snap me good.
It was clear my unmarried best friend thought it all sounded like something out of a horror film – what with the scraped bloody knees and villainous bedtime routines.
My single life disappeared completely that first year. I began nesting in an obsessive way, taking on all the housework, scheduling and insanity. During that year, I lost a bit of my identity, too.
“So,” my best friend said as I stopped for air during one of my kid stories, “Have you been writing lately? Have you worked on any more of your novel?”
I began paging through the school newsletter. “When would I have time?” I waited in case she really had any useful ideas, then continued. “I work, and then I take care of Mr. Right and the kids. I’m too tired for anything else.”
I let the newsletter drop to the table. “Its just what my life is right now.”
She gave a pained face, then said:
“Do you ever think that really sucks?”
I thought for a long time, vowing not to have a breakdown.
“This is what I’m doing now. It won’t be forever. Right now, our job is to raise the kids.”
The wound of truth sizzled with salt.
I’ve learned to stop being a victim since that first year, and now reflect on it like a first crush – it wasn’t as serious as I thought and didn’t last. The lesson I learned lingers like a scar: the stages of life are fleeting.
This year, Mr. Right and I are beginning to plod down the road to Teenager Hell. At times I wonder, “How did we get here so fast?” But now I know the best reaction is to call life out for what it is and make the most of it.
Because before you can blink, you’re flung to a stage where missing teeth turn to braces turn to missing them at college… the wild morning antics go silent and moody… the chapter of begging for “just one more” bedtime story slams shut in your face.
The stages speed forward, and then, they’re gone.
Fight for the window seat.
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What a beautiful post =)
love hear about the beginning and how you stepped into your new role.
Wow, you said it perfectly. I’ve just recently came to the conclusion life isn’t about living for the kids, it is about enjoying the moments with them while still trying to hold onto yourself.
I love it – can’t wait to read more!!
Beautiful Miss! It brought tears to my eyes. Enjoying every minute is what it’s all about because it’s incredible how fast the years go by.
You rock Missy…..your writing is the best….can’t wait for that novel, I’m sure it will hit the #1 list.
Your the best step mom ever!
i think owen’s comment sums it all up
Wow, really, what an incredible post. Kudos to you for rising to the challenge.
Reading this made me think of Kathleen who sent us her story about becoming a stepmom. She talks about her initial uncertainty, and then with her husband’s help learning to follow her heart and now absolutely LOVING being a stepmom.