My first year as a new wife and step mom was hard. While I had dated Mr. Right for years, I wasn’t prepared for the new label I’d signed myself up for: Mom.
You see, moms are never asked if they feel like picking up their kids after work. Staying home with the kids isn’t babysitting anymore – its duty. All of these “girlfriend perks” were suddenly pulled out from under my cold feet.
When “will you” changed to “when are you,” I went a little nuts.
Maybe you’ve found yourself in a similar spot with a new job, new stage of life or project. Maybe something grand turned out to be a little harder than planned. Maybe a new path went a little crooked.
Since no one seemed to pity my transition, I did what any desperate new step mom would – I felt sorry for myself. Really sorry.
One day, I said to Mr. Right, “Something has to change. I don’t know what, but we need to make a change.”
He looked at me and said, “Baby, whatever you need, I’m here.”
That’s when it dawned on me – he’d been there all along. But where was I? I’d wandered far away. I’d become a victim of hundreds of silly things.
That was the turning point for my self-pity. I began to heal. Instead of trying to fix everything and everybody, I stopped. I left the homework for Mr. Right. Rather than putting away the toys, I put my foot down. I began spending time with my girlfriends.
I stopped being a victim of my life and started elbowing to find a place in my family. A place that fit and felt good.
There are many ways life can get you down – my circumstance was unique, but the feelings are not.
My hope for you is this: If you’re unhappy with life, make it better. You must. No one else will. Start today.
Relish your identity as a person, even if you’re a mom.
Be a passionate lover.
Inspire.
Let it go.
Take a break.
Figure out what you stand for and tell someone that matters.
Hold you head up and move forward.
Victims end up divorced. They stay miserable. They hurt others and rob themselves of the life that could really be something.
That wasn’t me.
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I really loved this post, Melissa. Especially the image of “elbowing to find a place.” Not sure why, but that particular image resonated with me. Elbowing to find a place in the world. I think that’s where I am right now.
I’m also inspired to be mindful of how I support the people I love. Am I there for them all along?
I can only imagine how difficult it must be to join an entirely new family and try to figure out where you belong. Good for you, Melissa.
Keep elbowing – I don’t think it ever ends!
Thanks for your support, it means a lot. Cheers to finding the perfect place.
Your post about being a new step-mom was so well stated. The affection for the new step children is apparent, but the new demands are literally, shocking. I went from one daughter to 2 new rough & rowdy boys that stay with us every weekend. That role is one of balance…. a lot for them and a little for me. That “little for me” seems to work very well to remind me to take care of me! Smiles
@ Mindy – Thanks for this comment, it means a lot to me to hear from fellow step mom. We have the kids full-time, so it was a big adjustment – a ready-made family! I love them dearly, but have learned a lot in the past years. Cheers to happiness!