“But love is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.” -Leonard Cohen

The cycle of loving someone can be tricky.

A relationship goes around in circles every year, every day, every hour.

At the top, we’re awed. Everything is wonderful – your lover is close and next to you. He can do no wrong.

Then, we start to notice things. His religion doesn’t match. He leaves dishes sit out, not just for an hour, but overnight. He loses his wallet and whistles. A lot.

As the differences pile up, we float back to earth. We wonder if we can stand hobbies we don’t understand. Will we help find that wallet, again? If you’ve been in love, then you know the answer is “yes,” most of the time. But not always.

You’ll ask yourself: Am I in or out?

And so goes the cycle, in my own marriage, too. Because in the last four months, I went from not having a blog to finding this new fire in life. I haven’t felt this alive in years.

My marriage entered a season of reassessment.

Mr. Right has always been my biggest fan. But we had to face this beast. In the morning, it’s my laptop blazing beside our bed instead of a sultry snuggle. At night, its me alone, chasing my dreams instead of us together watching a movie. We still make time to connect, but it’s different. Our time is limited. I’m a little different from the girl he married three years ago.

So face the question: In or out? Separate or recommit? We could let the change come between us, or find a way to come together. A way that’s different from four months ago, but a way that works. A way we both win.

It wasn’t easy or pretty, but we did. We faced the fears building up, the  frustrations and changes. We let truth burn away the rubbish until we found each other, again. We fought for a way to win.

He’s still my biggest fan.

And I wanted to use this sacred place, my artwork, to tell him – I’m his.

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” –Elizabeth Barrett Browing

Photo by mohammadali