The problem with negativity is how quickly it spreads.
Hates craves hate. Anger feeds off anger.
When Little Boy hurts me by being disrespectful, my natural reaction is to want him to feel just as bad. The threats start manifesting. What started as a silly talk back soon becomes a negative back and forth chatter that grows into a huge, hideous spore. I’ve even threatened to sell his iPod Touch and use the money to go to a spa. (Somedays, I’m still tempted.)
Yes, negativity really brings out the ridiculous in us.
It’s easy to say the best course is to respond with kindness … and then sniff a vial of lavendar essential oil to calm the mind.
Too bad that’s not how real life usually goes, because the end result is usually a bunch of mental wounds and diseased relationships.
In my own life, for the 90% of negative interactions that end up bad, there are 10% that turn around. If you’re batting 100% right now, there is hope.
Here are some ways to handle yourself when being attacked with negativity:
Take a healthy smoke break. Smokers have one edge in life – the excuse to escape really hard situations. When I quit smoking, it became much harder to deal with negativity. When I smoked, a puff break could bring me back down. You can still do that (just don’t smoke). Step outside and close the door. Look around. See how the world hasn’t stopped. The big picture comes into focus.
Ask the attacker: “How can I help you?” Not in a snotty or condescending way – but because you truly want to help. Most negativity is a cry for help and you’ll be amazed how such a simple phrase can soften the mood.
Tickle children. Laughter is a natural way to get them in a better mood.
Tell the attacker what you want. “I want you to know I am not your enemy right now.” “I want you to talk in a respectful way before I can answer that.” “I want to take a break and come back to this later.”
Say nothing.
Cultivate compassion. Negativity can really grab hold of our minds. Even when the interaction ends, the scars remain. This leaves the door open for more and more fights. If there is an attacker in your life, try these 7 practices.
They truly helped me and I know they can help you, too.
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xoxo Melissa
Photo by Tina Jimenez – noemi Ji
{ 7 comments }
Melissa,
Poignant as ever. I love how you relate your posts to your life and then bring them back to your reader. I have a teenager so I understand angry, negative, unreasonable attacks. I try to do nothing and usually she comes around to her sweet self again, after a rant and a door slam or two. Unfortunately, my husband likes to react and engage in how hurt he’s feeling by her behaviour. He’s allowed to be hurt, but as you say, it just grows into a hideous spore if you counter with negativity. I mediate and find a happy ground for my two “kids”, then we’re usually back to normal. Just another day.
Hi Katie – It’s so easy to engage in the negativity, but so much better if you don’t.
Meditation is a great tip – this has saved our family from a spore many times!
Great to see you here again.
Hi Melissa! I believe you have a fabulous blog! I don’t even remember how I came upon it, but I’m certainly happy that I did! Thank you for sharing! I posted on my blog yesterday a song by Information Society called Peace and Love Inc., http://www.musicismagical.com I can definately see myself on the board of directors for such a groovy company! I believe keeping up with your positive, loving blog will inspire me to keep on keepin’ on in the Peace and Love revolution!!! Thank you again! xoxo back at ya, Melinda
I really needed this post today! I have been under attack at work for two days now, and there have been moments when I’ve just been at a loss. It doesn’t help that I’m extremely stubborn, despite my best intentions to be helpful.
Thanks for this post; I’ll be putting it to good use!
Hi Jen – Awesome to be needed.
Hope you had a better Friday!
There’s an NLP concept of pacing and matching. If someone is angry is can be more effective to meet them at their level of energy first, then try and bring them down, rather than starting from a much lower energy. It takes a lot of will-power not to let yourself be drawn into the negativity using this method however.
I can see how that could work. But I can also see how it could backfire if the negativity begins to take over. Thanks for offering this solution!
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