Writers tend of have a lot of opinions. I know I do.
My ideas about the best way to live are shared on this platform each week, and also in my daily life.
The problem I’ve found is this: a blog is something people choose to read.
The advice to those in my personal life – well, that’s not the same thing.
While my blog’s purpose is to help people – mostly by sharing my own trial and error – real life is different.
People don’t always want to hear the latest and greatest “answer.”
Mostly they just need me to listen. Not advise. Not instruct.
It’s puzzled me for years. In a world full of self-help, how do people end up in a mess? How can I stand by without sharing my knowledge with a chronically angry child, depressed parent or self-destructive friend?
Believe it or not, sharing the results of your internet research isn’t the answer. It’s not telling them how to change. It’s not diagnosing them.
I’ve learned this simple rule the hard way.
If you want to help someone who is hurting:
Love them.
That’s it.
I’ve done the berating, the lectures, the letters. None of it works.
The only time I seem to break through is when I love.
It happens with family members.
It happens with my children.
It happens in my marriage.
To write with cliche:
All we need is love.
Focus on it, gather it up like a rare flower.
Take a running jump and swim around until it carries you away.
Love your beloved.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. – 1 Corinthians 13:13
If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people. This is the number one way you can support my writing.
xoxo Melissa
Photo by dhammza
{ 13 comments }
Simple, powerful. Dang, this hit home today. Funny how that kind of happens from time to time. Thank you! Be well!
Hi Bill – Thanks for your support and simple, powerful comment.
Thanks! Good summary and explanation — it’s what I’ve found to be most true in my journey as well as my own hurts and struggles. I often just need someone to listen and to validate that they understand I’m hurting.
I don’t want them to claim they understand the pain — but understand that I feel pain.
When my sister passed away a girl told my youngest sister that she understood what she was going through, her grandmother had passed away recently. While the friend meant well, my sister took it as an offense — “You can’t understand my pain! You can’t compare losing a grandmother to losing my sister!”
Everyone feels pain and hurt differently — so don’t try to claim you understand what they’re feeling, just recognize that you know they’re hurting and that you’re their for them at the drop of a hat when they need you.
And LOVE!
Thanks again!
Thanks for sharing this personal story. You make a great point – no one really wants you to compare pain.
great post- brought tears to my eyes. love is a powerful tool and rewarding for the person doing the loving as much as the person receiving it!
Thanks Stef. I love getting your support. Miss you!
Beautiful! I often ask myself the question “what would love do?” It helps the better part of me show up rather than the frustrated part.
I love this, “Focus on it, gather it up like a rare flower.”
That’s a beautiful way to put it … if you act and think in love, only good things can come.
This is, quite simply, brilliant! Oftentimes we want to rush to the aid of our loved ones who are suffering, and offer up what we think is the solution to their problem. We forget that what worked for us may not work for others.
It is oh-so-important to just be there for them. Listen to them. Love them.
Thanks for this great article!
David
By the way, I love the last line you use in all your posts. It did, so I did!
Hi David – I’m glad you liked the post. Your kind words really help keep me on the right track.
Thanks for spreading the love. Melissa
Melissa, you’re simply and wonderfully brilliant. I know exactly what you mean. I do the whole, “But, I know stuff, I can teach you, let me!” thing all the time to my husband, daughter and friends. Lately, I’ve stopped and realized this very thing that you’re talking about. They just want me to listen. One friend in particular, started to look pained whenever I tried to “fix her”. That was a wake-up call. Pain was not what I wanted to cause her. So now, I love and listen. She looks happier. Thanks for being so beautifully you!
Your comments are so uplifting, I always hope you stop by. I’ve seen the pained face too, and it doesn’t feel good. Actually I think I need to read this post everyday so I don’t forget.
Hi Melissa,
You’re so right. Many times I feel everyone if following the same cookie cutter recipe in all these blogs with all this advice and answers…..
Sometimes I just want it simple like: Love is the answer!
Thank you for making my day!
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