In between the busyness of work, getting a reasonably healthy dinner on the table and cleaning the kitchen, there’s what I like to call “flashes of clarity.”
It happens when I’m stripped free of being needed – by the kids, Mr. Right, the dog, housework. There, like a ghost, is the singular person behind the titles.
Melissa, who once wrote poetry as a form of relaxation or clattered away for hours on the piano. I’ve added a lot to my list since those days.
Personal clarity can feel elusive at times. Lately, I crave it, wanting to gather the moments of “Just Melissa” up like gold and cash them in for a full hour of thought.
There is a need for clarity, a need to define my purpose in life. Saying I want to be a good wife and step mom is great, but not enough. Even the tagline of this blog: “Life, love and getting (amazing) stuff done,” feels vague and undefined.
In longing for clarity, I thought maybe you readers are feeling the same way … wanting a map to blaze the trail of personal growth.
The need to define my path is so strong right now without a day job. I don’t want to spend my time too organically, flitting about as a “free agent” when my clarity reveals: I want something bigger. I want to do something really amazing, something that makes a difference.
Looking for clarity? Try a self-interview.
Here are five questions that can lead to clarity. Go to a quiet place, like somewhere in nature where you won’t be disturbed or a comfortable room in the house. Write your answers in pen and spend at least 5 minutes in thought over each one.
Happy hunting…
“Who am I?” Write whatever comes to mind, even words that simply describe you. My list: nature lover, step mom, wife, sister, writer, lover of quotes, inspiration addict, dreamer, organizer, simple, athlete, musician, singer.
“What do I stand for?” What makes you happy and fulfilled? I said: Simplicity, truth, peace, entrepreneurs, a strong marriage, independent kids, kindness, problem solving, conservation, art, music.
“When do I feel my best?” What plays a part in your self-preservation? When do you feel balanced and fresh? My list:
- Sleep well
- Exercise daily
- Eat right
- No fried food
- Limit sugar and alcohol
- Drink tea
- Ban processed food
- See live music
- Enjoy personal space
- Get help with chores
- Don’t overbook
- Time for: family, friends, writing.
“Where do I want to grow?” This is the one question to limit your responses. Too many could lead to feeling overwhelmed. Choose one, two or three. Think it over before writing. My three:
- Fitness level.
- Start a novel.
- Explore projects.
“How will I do it?” Be specific. Then, put a checkpoint in place, like a chart or tally board.
- Workout 5 days a week (minimum). Make fitness a part of my daily routine – running, yoga, walks. I’ll mark my progress with a heart on the family schedule.
- Go on a junk-food fast. One day at a time – only eating real, healthful food.
- Write 300 words of my novel 5 times a week. I’ll mark my progress with an exclamation on the schedule.
- Ideastorm with other creatives. Not all of my friends are creative people, and that’s okay. But I need to make time for those that are to have lunch, coffee or just talk on the phone about what dreams may lie.
Save your answers.
Read over them when you’re in a rut. These are the clues on how to move forward.
Finally, turn your areas of growth and action into a visual masterpiece. It doesn’t have to be “right” or perfect – just something you like to look at. I like mine:
If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people. xoxo Melissa
Top photo by it’s life.
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Melissa,
Clarity – what the heck is that? Some days, I’m running in 10 different directions trying to get everything done that clarity is non-existent.
This was a great post. I think your questions are right on target – an excellent way to reclaim clarity about our lives. I also love just writing 300 words per day on your novel. Just last night I was laying in bed bemoaning that another day passed and I hadn’t worked on my book, well now I can say, “Just do 300 words,” and feel I’m not a total slacker.
Thank you for this wonderful post.
Hi Angela – I know, clarity gets a bit cloudy in the busyness of life. I’m happy to know this post resonated with you. And I think you’ll be happy to know: I kept my 300 word promise last night and started a novel. That feels awesome to type!
Cheers to your book – you can do it!
Hey Skinny~ wow! haven’t called you that in years
I feel like you now understand me ( a stay at home mom) a bit better…I’m struggling w/ the clarity in my life beyond the children/housework too…I love your 5 question idea! I need to do this and make a few goals for myself. Thanks for writing this!
Miss you!
Kim
Hi Kim! Being home with the kids is anything but relaxing, that’s for sure. There is always plenty to do! But we need to make time for “Just Melissa” and “Just Kim,” too. I think the kids will benefit from seeing their parents pursue goals in life. Figuring out where it fits in is the key.
Good luck writing your goals! I’d love to know what you come up with if you’re willing – leave another comment!
great post, Melissa. i also have been struggling to figure out who i am again, beyond a working mother, housekeeper, and family accountant. who am i? where is the person that i was when i finished college, full of ideas and dreams?
Keep searching! All of those titles are so important, but it’s also important to remember what we stand for and what we want in life. Love you!
You are so inspiring! I talk to you just about every day, but you never cease to surprise and impress me with your writing. I am going to work on this project today!
Thanks Tracy – you’re sweet.
Hey Dear,
Well I have to say this is my first posting on your blog even though I have been reading your postings, I have to say this one really hit home. Clarity was never really something I thought about too much until this past year. After losing my job over a year ago, finding out baby #2 was on the way 2 weeks after losing my job and trying to keep up with a 3 year old on top of it all made me really think about what was most important in life. I don’t know what “Jessica Time” is right now but after meeting the needs of the demands of my children all day and trying to maintain sanity around the house between my Mr. Right and I. After reading your post, I think I need to take some of your tips into consideration. Where I need to grow in my life right now is the BIG one for me. Here’s to the trial and error that life might bring rolling my way the next few years! Keep up the great posts
Hi Jessica – I’m glad you left this comment. I’m sorry I haven’t been very available yet this summer – hopefully coming up after all the vacations we can spend some time as Just Melissa and Just Jessica. We deserve a night out, don’t you think?
You are such a talented, strong woman. You’re doing an awesome job with the kids and I can’t wait to see where life takes you.
xoxo
I recently started reading your blog Melissa and love it! I am struggling with clarity too. I am a stay at home Mom with a Master’s degree which I have yet to use and lately been feeling like I need to figure out who I am and what I want to do. I like this idea.
Good luck finding clarity, Heather. I know that there are different stages in life – but there has to be a way to meld the stages together, too.
It sounds awful to say it, but sometimes clarity depresses me. It’s when I see what I really want to be focused on, but it’s also when I feel the furthest from my goals. You thought of some good questions to help us find that place again and keep up with how we plan to stay there and reach our goals.
Good luck on your novel-ing endeavor!
I can see how clarity could be depressing, especially if a person realizes they are not where they want to be. But I would encourage you to see it as a starting point – now you have a destination … figuring out the path is the next step…
Much love!