If you don’t already know, I’m a step mom.

I first met my kids when I was 21 years old; they were 3 and 4.

I’ve learned a lot about myself over the past 8 years. Anyone with kids could tell you that.

While my story isn’t typical – I’m a custodial step mom, which means the kids are with us most of the time – I’ve no doubt, neither is yours. We all bring a bag of life’s unexpected twists into our daily bed. When my friend told me to hook up with Mr. Right, I said: “He has kids. Can you imagine me taking care of kids??”

Today, these are my kids:

I love them and they love me. It hasn’t been a totally smooth ride, but we’re a family, in the good times and the bad. When it comes to step moms, I’m not terribly wicked, either.

Here are 7 lessons I’ve learned on this journey:

Step moms are not wicked. We just get a little down being “2nd place mom” from time to time. Help us, don’t hate us. Give us a compliment, some encouragement. We really are trying to do our absolute best.

You can do a really good job at anything in life. Like be a step mom, freelance writer, soccer coach, fashion designer, father, blogger. You just have to care, work hard and keep trying.

If you want to make someone insanely happy,  spend time with them. This applies to your kids, spouse, business clients, friends, parents and especially – the family dog.

Even when we don’t get everything we want in life, it’s still pretty amazing. Your parents might not stay together. Your step mom might say those designer shoes are not in the family budget. You might never get pregnant. Forget that for a while and look at everything you already have. It’s a lot.

The best thing you can do for your child is: love your spouse. I’ve seen how divorce affects kids and it’s not pretty. That doesn’t mean I think Mr. Right and his ex should have stayed together. But it’s a good lesson for all you new parents out there – love each other. Make it a top priority. Don’t belittle, bash or bitter this life. Raising kids is hard, and even harder to do alone or when you hate each other. Do something nice for your spouse today, right now.

Spend time alone. It’s hard to have balance when everyone needs you. You need you, too. Steal moments of solitude, be quiet, be still. You’ll be a much better mom, dad, lover or employee because of it.

Love can be a choice. It’s not always some magical fairy dust sprinkled over your brow. This could be the part where I go off about how wonderful my step kids are – how they’ve won me over with their charm and sweet smiles, how we were destined to be together. That’s only partly true. I love them to pieces, yes. But there are times when love becomes a choice – during a tantrum, when the principal calls, when I swear they’re out to ruin my sanity. I choose to love them. You choose to love your beloved, too.

And that’s the beautiful thing about life.

If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people. This is the number one way you can support me. xoxo Melissa

Photo by WhatDaveSees