About
Let’s imagine a world where life is about more about choices and less about obligation.
That’s the short version of what this blog is about.
More than 2 years ago, I suffered from extreme burnout. On the surface, I seemed to have it all – a loving husband, two step-kids, house in the suburbs and a steady job in corporate America. My thankful list should have been longer than my despair, but it wasn’t. My priorities felt skewed and at the same time, shifting. A new perspective was grabbing hold of my brain and my lifestyle couldn’t keep up.
In a way, it was a frustrating discovery. I knew a long journey was ahead if I could handle the risk. I felt like a lone warrior, desperate to change, but already exhausted from the battles in everyday life. Ready or not, I couldn’t ignore my desires. Change was inevitable.
My life kept whispering: Are you in or out?
Now, I’ve picked a lifestyle I never dreamed would fit me: A role as a hybrid homemaker.
You’re probably wondering what that means, so let me start at the beginning. I got my first glimpse of a new American dream when a family member shared her story of debt. Hmm, I wondered: “What if we got out of debt? What could life look like?”
Crunching the numbers was a shock. I found that if we could get out of debt and cut our expenses, we could live comfortably on one salary. The obligation of working and living in chaos became a choice I could no longer choose.
Mr. Right and I devised a plan. We were going to get out of debt – all $42,000 of it – and start saving. Once our savings was at a decent level, I would quit my day job to stay home and write full time. Two years later, that’s what I did.
Going into this change, I knew I would need to do more than just “keep house.” Maybe you also feel the desire to keep your modern identity within the home. Yes, I am a homemaker, but I am also a freelance writer, editor and blogger. Sometimes, I am stripped of my titles as wife and mother. Sometimes, I’m just Melissa.
So let’s get back to the world of choice vs. obligation. Yes, you have to provide for your family, but don’t wait around from someone to show up with your ideal life in a box. They won’t. You have to get it yourself.
Dream with me.
Imagine a world with more than choices …
Imagine one where you stand up to choose.
Imagine doing the things you love on purpose, all the time.
Simple. Beautiful. Life.
Imagine having the choice to say, “My family needs me now.”
This is my reality.
This is me as a hybrid homemaker.
To you and the adventure.
Melissa Gorzelanczyk
Simple Guidelines for life
1. Pursue happiness, and not more stuff.
2. Choose a full life over a busy life.
3. Today is the best day to do something amazing.
Connect with me:
Email: melissa [at] peaceandprojects [dot] com
Photo by Mike Peters
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Someone shared an article you wrote about on Twitter- The adult guide to finding out what you want to be when you grow up. Amazing. It’s like someone read my mind and said all the things I’ve been thinking but not doing. I went through your blog. Mind-blowing stuff. Keep up the good work. It’s a small world and who knows who’s life you’ll change next. You’re inspiring.
“And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. ”
Thank you.
Wow! This comment blew me away. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts – comments like this inspire ME.
Your surname sounds like Polish. Is it?
What gave it away?
Melissa,
I came across your blog via the yoga article. Yoga has been something I’ve wanted to try for a while, but all those doubts kept me from it (too old, stiff, etc) so thank you for addressing those concerns. I started reading through your blog, and I love it! God bless, and I look forward to more.
Hi Tammie – I hope you’ll give yoga a try – it’s so restorative. I think you’ll develop a crush on it, too.
Thanks for stopping by and keep in touch.
Much love,
Melissa
Melissa,
I read your article “Burnout is Beautiful”. It is outstanding. I am energised and in many ways, I feel, I can make my life beautiful.
Thanks!
Just came across your blog via Zen Habits. I’m looking forward to reading it. As I’m 50 and British, I find it mildly amusing that somehow its become such a big deal to stay at home and look after your family. When my kids were young, it was quite unusual to have a full time job! I don’t think feminism was meant to make us women try to live like men – I think it was to try and bring the man centred world round to our way of thinking. Its clear we haven’t become empowered enough yet to easily make empowered choices with both sexes in maximum earn and spend survival mode.
Anyway one line on this page resonated with me:
Imagine having the choice to say, “My family needs me now.”
When my kids were young, I put them first and I never for one minute regretted it. Now at 22, 24 and 25 they are almost completely independant adults, I find that my parents are the family that needs me now, and I’m conteplatimg uprooting my whole life in NZ and going back to the UK to be with them. Choices!
Hi Deborah,
Hi Deborah,
That is a tough choice about moving back to the UK! Good luck figuring that out.
I think all parents can put their kids first – working full time or not – it really depends on the individual. Some women aren’t content to be at home, so working full time can actually be a way to “put their kids first.” Otherwise they could resent their kids and then no one wins.
We all create our own path. Even now, I still need time without the kids so I can get work done and define myself beyond motherhood.
Thanks for stopping by. Peace to you!
Melissa
Feeling Inspired !!
Thanks
This morning I whispered a prayer for help in rebuilding the ruins of a life lived the hard way for too long; this evening I found your blog and your book. Prayers have been answered!
That’s wonderful to hear, Susan. Thanks for connecting with me.
Good luck rebuilding a strong, beautiful foundation.
Melissa
Thanks for writing the zenhabits article. I’m seriously on the verge of burnout and figured I’d get some “inspiration” by going to zenhabits and BAM – there was the title of your article , which was a GREAT title, by the way, and a great article.
This inspires me! I’m so happy you connected with me here. Good luck rising from the ashes of burnout.
Melissa
Hi Melissa,
I found you through Zen Habits and I am so glad I did! I recently quit my day job to start my own business just this month! It is called Soapy Mamma and I make hand-made soap! To supplement, I work at a local breakfast cafe 2 days a week and since I am such a social person, that feels way more like fun than a job and I am making more money and have less stress than before! It is so empowering to finally realize that it CAN be done. We are doing it! My 2 girls, my awesome man and our 3 dogs appreciate my extra time too. Now to get my guys life simplified and working less too…looking forward to the journey. Thanks so much for your inspiring words. Smiles!
I love handmade soap! I think it’s important to know you can scale back on work, but still go out and work if needed. For some that is the ideal situation.
We are doing it too – nice to meet another woman on the same journey.
Peace to you,
Melissa
I think I love you!
Heart!
Melissa
Hi,
I read your guest post on Zen Habits (I love ZH). Your “About” page is really inspiring… and so true.
I’m a 40-something single mother and lost my job in “corporate Bahamas” due to the economy. While not having a steady income is really scary, I’m trying to concentrate on creating multiple income streams.
Since I was a teeenager my career goals have been centered around writing and photography. I guess this is “Fate’s” way of telling me I no longer have the excuse of a majorly stressful job I hated and the present job market is terrible – so now’s the time to create my own life.
And you’re right – there are other people doing it. Thanks for writing about it!
All the best,
Jenn
“Choose a full life over a busy life”. WOW–that is exactly what I needed to read. This one sentence will help me define my focus.
My husband and I bought a business (3) years ago and I describe the past three years as running on marbles, on ice. It was hell. I had a bit of a breakdown in year (2); the stress and pressure were truly overwhelming. Fast forward to today and we now have managers in place, business is good and I’m not nearly as involved–thank God!
I think when our lives become really hectic, we literally don’t have time to process what we’re experiencing. I could go on and on, but the point is, I’m grateful for your post on Zen Habits and appreciate your insight. Thank You!
Hi Natalie,
Thanks for sharing your story here. I’m so glad my post resonated with you.
Your future looks bright! I’m glad your life has slowed down a bit.
Peace to you,
Melissa
Thanks for sharing
I got burnt out almost 2 years ago and struggled with severe migraines and depression. I’m still on m journey to recovery. I started my blog to confront my own feelings and thoughts and also hope to inspire other people to find peace. I guess you are more successful than I am. I also hope to write my book. But I wonder who will read it sometimes
reading your blog brings back inspiration and motivation
thanks
noch @ nochnoch.com
Stumbled across your site trough a twitter post – glad I did because this is similar to the approach I wish to make with creating my own “new” lifestyle.
Best of luck with your venture(s),
Radman
Hi Melissa,
Loved your post on burnout on Zen Habits. I hope you don’t mind that I linked to it on my blog. It inspired me to share my own burnout story. Thanks for sharing!
http://theahhmoment.blogspot.com/2011/03/how-burnout-inspires-positive-change.html
All the best,
Maria
Thank you for sharing, Maria. I checked out the post and left a comment. Very inspiring to me!
Melissa
Thanks Melissa! : ) I unfortunately didn’t see the post–must be a glitch.
I found your site after a somewhat random click of links from one site to another and I am so pleased I did.
I am also a step mother, caught in the corporate world, desperate to get out. After too many years of ladder climbing, materialism, consumerism and trying to keep up with the Jones’ I discovered that the top rung wasn’t acutally that comfortable. I felt isolated and out of balance up there, tettering on a peak I had worked so hard to reach.
My husband and I have started rationalising our lives to get out from under any debt (apart from the mortgage) and to simplify so that we have more time for each other and for the good stuff in life. I have also started my own business and I am desperate to get into it full time but for this year, our focus is on removing the excess so that we can make this transition. The thought of leaving a well paid, stable job for my own business is scary but your about page has given me such hope today, for the long term goal.
Change is inevitable for me too, and you have helped me take another step towards it. Thank you.
Hi Rachael,
I’m so glad you connected with me. I remember feeling the desperation you describe and I want to assure you that once you make the leap, it becomes less and less scary. I’ve learned that you truly can’t prepare for everything. Have a nest egg, yes, but at some point, you just have to trust your gut. Who can say how much money you’ll need down the road? You just have to trust that you’ll figure it out when the time comes. (Definitely save a chunk of money first … getting finances in order is a huge leap into freedom.)
Cheering you on!
Melissa
melissa,
so happy to have been led this morning to your little slice of life. i’ve been on this similar path for almost 17 years. step by step. following my guts. saying yes when everyone else is saying no. i will be back for more. alignment is underrated. have a wonderful week.
That is a wonderful quote: Alignment is underrated. SO true. I’m so glad you connected with me here. Take care and thanks for taking the time to comment.
Melissa
Hi Melissa,
Could I ask how do you get such great looking posts delivered to my inbox? I see google.com but could you share how you have that set up?
Thanks!
Hi Ritu – Simple click this link,
http://feedburner.google.com/fb/a/mailverify?uri=PeaceAndProjects
enter you email address and confirm the email (check your inbox!). Then you’ll get my free updates twice a week.
Thanks for checking!
Melissa