There used to be a time I wanted bigger everything – bigger house, bigger yard, bigger car, bigger income.

In the past few years, I’ve learned something about myself and the world in general: Bigger isn’t better.

By embracing minimalism, the lure of have a bigger house and yard has faded as I define what matters to me. Investing in more stuff means investing more time, time I’d rather spend enjoying life’s simple pleasures and doing some amazing work.

This doesn’t mean we’ll never update our home again. Just the opposite – this year, we’re saving up to redo the landscaping, which is overgrown and all wrong. The process got me thinking about how to make our yard more useful and beautiful. That sounds right.

The question: How do we use our landscapes?

Pondering this, I kept coming back to a yard that always inspires me. It’s a “prairie in progress” at the Dept. of Natural Resources, right here in Green Bay, Wisconsin. It looks like this (pardon my photography):

It’s pretty. It smells like a prairie cake baking in the sun. Swoon.

Back to my own yard … Most of it is never used. Specifically, this part is hardly ever used:

Instead, I enjoy the beauty of nature from a favorite perch:

It really made me think.

My once “too-small” yard now seems like a waste of space. I don’t mean that in a negative, ungrateful way at all. I’m only pointing out how my mentality has shifted.

My goal is this: Instead of a landscape of unused space, I want to create something in rhythm with nature and what we enjoy. Low on maintenance, high on enjoyment.

The Prairie Plan

By adding native plant species into your landscape and using your lot to grow food, you can turn the traditional, over-fertilized suburban lawn into something that’s beautiful and useful at the same time.

Why natives?

• Once established, native plants thrive without fertilizers, routine mowing and adapt to any kind of rainfall.
• Adding native plants will provide food and habitat for wildlife in a natural way.

Dig it: Your own prairie in progress.

Ceci Kiefer of Stone Silo Prairie Gardens put my wild prairie plans in perspective:  ”You don’t have to be a native purist.”

What a relief! Hugs to my roses and lilies, you know who you are.

First, she defined “native,” which means plants that existed before European settlers arrived and introduced other varietals. Follow her advice to bring native plants – or a prairie – into your yard:

Experience what you have. Discover the hot spots of your yard – where is the sun the strongest? Is the soil sandy or clay based? This helps determine which native plants will thrive by matching their needs to the conditions.

Don’t be paralyzed. “This isn’t rocket science.” Kiefer told me to dive in and plant something. Drizzle some water at the base of the plant and see what happens.

Don’t rip out all the non-natives. Instead, when you have an open spot in a garden, put a native plant in place.

Make it deliberate. If you want to turn a large portion of your yard into a wild flower or prairie garden, make it look deliberate. The neighbors won’t appreciate a weed patch (also known as your precious prairie garden). Here’s how to make prairie swaths obviously deliberate:

• Leave a strip of green grass. Frame the space. Clean it up.
• Know the height of the natives. You don’t want a 6-foot patch of wild flowers obstructing the front door. Choose tidier varieties.
• Put up a sign that reads: Wildflower Garden.
• Add edging and points of interest like a sundial or garden sculpture.
• Plant for a succession of blooms. When done right, wildflower gardens will bloom in spring, summer and fall. Visit Wild Ones for information on which plants to choose.
• Get ready for the Battle of the Weeds. Like any garden, the weeds will come – within 3 to 4 years, the native plants begin to thrive and maintenance diminishes. But you’ve been warned – there are still plenty of weeds to pick up until then.

Birds, bees, butterflies … These are just some of the living creatures that will thrive and appreciate your new gardens.

To your prairie, big or small.

When we see land as a community to which we belong, we may begin to use it with love and respect. – Aldo Leopold

Please add a link below with sustainable gardening and landscaping solutions in your part of the country.

If my writing helps or inspires you, please show your support and share it with other people.

Top photo courtesy of Ceci Kiefer.

In between the busyness of work, getting a reasonably healthy dinner on the table and cleaning the kitchen, there’s what I like to call “flashes of clarity.”

It happens when I’m stripped free of being needed – by the kids, Mr. Right, the dog, housework. There, like a ghost,  is the singular person behind the titles.

Melissa, who once wrote poetry as a form of relaxation or clattered away for hours on the piano. I’ve added a lot to my list since those days.

Personal clarity can feel elusive at times. Lately, I crave it, wanting to gather the moments of “Just Melissa” up like gold and cash them in for a full hour of thought.

There is a need for clarity, a need to define my purpose in life. Saying I want to be a good wife and step mom is great, but not enough. Even the tagline of this blog: “Life, love and getting (amazing) stuff done,” feels vague and undefined.

In longing for clarity, I thought maybe you readers are feeling the same way … wanting a map to blaze the trail of personal growth.

The need to define my path is so strong right now without a day job. I don’t want to spend my time too organically, flitting about as a “free agent” when my clarity reveals: I want something bigger. I want to do something really amazing, something that makes a difference.

Looking for clarity? Try a self-interview.

Here are five questions that can lead to clarity. Go to a quiet place, like somewhere in nature where you won’t be disturbed or a comfortable room in the house. Write your answers in pen and spend at least 5 minutes in thought over each one.

Happy hunting…

“Who am I?” Write whatever comes to mind, even words that simply describe you. My list: nature lover, step mom, wife, sister, writer, lover of quotes, inspiration addict, dreamer, organizer, simple, athlete, musician, singer.

“What do I stand for?” What makes you happy and fulfilled? I said: Simplicity, truth, peace, entrepreneurs, a strong marriage, independent kids, kindness, problem solving, conservation, art, music.

“When do I feel my best?” What plays a part in your self-preservation? When do you feel balanced and fresh? My list:

• Sleep well
• Exercise daily
• Eat right
• No fried food
• Limit sugar and alcohol
• Drink tea
• Ban processed food
• See live music
• Enjoy personal space
• Get help with chores
• Don’t overbook
• Time for: family, friends, writing.

“Where do I want to grow?” This is the one question to limit your responses. Too many could lead to feeling overwhelmed. Choose one, two or three. Think it over before writing. My three:

• Fitness level.
• Start a novel.
• Explore projects.

“How will I do it?” Be specific. Then, put a checkpoint in place, like a chart or tally board.

• Workout 5 days a week (minimum). Make fitness a part of my daily routine – running, yoga, walks. I’ll mark my progress with a heart on the family schedule.
• Go on a junk-food fast. One day at a time – only eating real, healthful food.
• Write 300 words of my novel 5 times a week. I’ll mark my progress with an exclamation on the schedule.
• Ideastorm with other creatives. Not all of my friends are creative people, and that’s okay. But I need to make time for those that are to have lunch, coffee or just talk on the phone about what dreams may lie.

Save your answers.

Read over them when you’re in a rut. These are the clues on how to move forward.

Finally, turn your areas of growth and action into a visual masterpiece. It doesn’t have to be “right” or perfect – just something you like to look at. I like mine:

If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people. xoxo Melissa

Top photo by it’s life.

Give me some time and I’ll find a way to spend it.

Chores, blogging, time with the kids, reading, biking, styling my hair. I’m sure you have a list, too. Add things like morning routines, a day job and sex and suddenly you’re wobbling to find balance. A priority or two might careen off the rope, which can lead to feeling overwhelmed, spent and stressed.

It doesn’t matter how much you change your schedule or lifestyle – there will always be a way to fill up the hours in the day. Even now without a day job, I still find myself scrambling to meet a deadline from time to time.

Point taken: There will always be a need for balance.

Where does that feeling of balance exist? In my experience, there are a few areas to foster before feeling good about my tightrope routine. What seems like a to-do list is really a basic dance – which can lead to fun, sexier moves once in place.

Ready to replace wobbling with a tango, samba or pirouette? Start with a basic foundation. When I take care of these beginner’s moves toward a balanced life, there is more time to have fun, be spontaneous and do some amazing work.

Step one: The Essentials.

Plan ahead. Living in the moment is a lot easier to do with these essentials in line: Food, shelter and clothing.

Specifically -

Food

• Create a weekly meal plan. Head over to The Organized Home for the long version of this tip.
• Grocery shop using a master shopping list. Click here to download mine (items are in order of how we navigate the store) or revise at will.
• Pack snacks and water for long car rides or shopping trips. Granola bars, nuts, crackers and fruit are easy to grab and go. This saves money by avoiding fast food and convenience stores, too.

Shelter

• Live like a small house. A minimalist approach to personal possessions means I spend a lot less time cleaning and decluttering. Get as much off the floor as possible and donate the stuff you never use. Here are some really good posts to help you get started.
• A guide to creating a minimalist home from Zen Habits.
• Clear the clutter you can’t see from Be More With Less.
• Managing common household clutter from Serene Journey.
• Get and stay organized by subscribing to Unclutterer.

Clothing

• Find your laundry groove. I like to wash and dry everything in one day, dump in a big pile on the floor and fold it all at once.
• Store things like cloth napkins and wash cloths in a basket and quit folding them.

Step two: Reclaim your attention and set boundaries.

Turn off distractions like the cell phone, TV, social networking sites and email. When you need to get something done, give it your attention. Single-task.

Set a timer. Take 10 minutes and see what you accomplish. Then give yourself permission to stop or take a break when the bell sounds.

Break up with social networking sites. A friend recently sent me this email: “I am breaking up with Facebook! There is too much life to live and too many baby giggles that I don’t want to miss.” That really sums it up. If you want keep your Facebook relationship, consider limiting the time with a timer or checking it once a day.

Limit email checking. The more emails you send, the more you’ll get. Give it your full attention once or twice a day instead of each time the ”new mail” icon appears on the screen.

Take a vacation and don’t take the laptop. A notebook and pen works for those moments when inspiration hits.

Step three: Self care.

Spend time in solitude. Filling your schedule to bursting never feels like balance. Give yourself permission to be alone. It could be on a walk, sitting on the couch or a moment with the bedroom door closed. Tell the people you love: “I need to be alone for 15 minutes.” Lay down and daydream. Rest from the demands of those who need you.

Feeling centered, the wobbly dance of life spins and twirls straight to joy.

Spread the love: If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it.

Photo by dark_mephi

A good movie has memorable scenes.

Like a lover’s quarrel from the roof of a high-rise or a robbery planned in the junkyard. Scenes like this become the salt and pepper for stories.

That’s what Donald Miller describes in his book A Million Miles In A Thousand Years.

His message is simple:

Memorable scenes belong in real life, not just the movies.

But what does that mean? How do you really live life in memorable scenes?

My absolute favorite part of the book describes a family he visits. Their version of “showing someone to the door” is running, fully clothed and jumping into the lake.

Bursting to the surface, they shout and wave. That is goodbye. Reading it, I thought: That is a good goodbye.

It’s memorable.

I want to live my life like that, too.

To me, if you can’t take risks like jumping into a lake for your friends, what kind of risks can you take?

I made a quick decision: This year will be lived in memorable scenes.

Not just for the sake of scenes, but because quitting my day job is just one step in my journey to write my own life. And the step-mom in suburbia routine could use a memorable scene or two.

Ready for the list?

Jump in:

Go swimming in Lake Superior. This is a tradition for some (never me, until this year) at the end of our vacation in the Land of Do As You Please.

Splash and play in the rain without an umbrella. Not the best follow-up to cliff diving, but something I haven’t done in a really long time.

Write from the top of my childhood roof. This was a favorite place for solitude growing up.

Visit the graves of family members I wasn’t able to meet. For starters, Mr. Right’s grandfathers. I’d like to write something while I’m there.

Go on a completely unplanned family vacation. (Wait, does this mean I’m planning it?)

Take the kids to a Wisconsin corn roast.

Visit the winery in my tiny hometown.

No rest until I go down every slide on our annual WI Dells trip. (I usually don’t. I’m not known to be a “slide girl.”)

What are the memorable scenes from your life? Take a second and leave a scene or two below … I could use some ideas.

If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it. This is the number one way you can support my blog.

Photo by Mait Jüriado

I’ll never forget the first time I saw the footage of oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. I was having a beer at a local sports bar with Mr. Right. My heart! It was tearing out of my chest as the plumes of oil puked into the sea. I wanted to stand on the bar and scream:

How could this happen? Who is to blame? What now?

I pointed fingers in a couple directions. BP. The Federal Government. Hummers. But the more I tried to dump blame, the more I felt the real blame belonged to me. One of billions that’s doused in petrol. One of billions that never thinks my carryout box, plastic water bottle or sexy lipstick is burning more barrels.

Sure, the green movement is spreading. But one look at the oil gushing into the ocean and it’s undeniable: we aren’t doing enough, fast enough. The shift to renewable, clean energies needs to happen NOW.

So I asked myself: What are you going to do about this?

Hear me out. I realize I’m not directly to blame for drilling that oil well. I’m not responsible for taking so long to plug it. But it is my problem. It’s yours, too. We can shift blame and point fingers until we’re dead. I’m done with that. Today, I want offer some ways we can all make a difference.

How many people would it take to reduce our dependence on oil? 100? A thousand?

In my opinion: one.

You.

Me.

We can:

Ban Styrofoam. Don’t use it, don’t accept it, don’t buy it. It’s just bad stuff. Bring your own dishes to restaurants for leftovers. Ask your favorite places to use tin foil or compostable alternatives instead.

Bike and walk with a purpose. The mindset that walking and biking is only a form of leisure needs to change. Start biking to the grocery store. Walk to the post office. Make using your car the last resort instead of the first choice. If you own a business, offer incentives to employees who bike/walk commute. Read Rowdy Kittens for more on living car free.

Use public transportation. Make a goal to try it for a month.

Dress warmer in the winter, use fans in the summer. Use less gas to power heating and cooling units. Use green products and specs for home construction and renovation.

Stop buying things in plastic containers. There is even a milkman in Green Bay again! Eliminate plastic water bottles, soda and juice wherever possible.

Garden organically. Don’t use plant fertilizer. Some of the products in fertilizer came from petroleum products.  Start a compost pile instead. If you’re worried about the eyesore and mess, start a compost bin in a garbage can.

Eat organic fruits and vegetables. Pesticides are chemicals used to protect crops. Since many cannot afford the expense of organics, the best bet will be to start a garden this summer.  If you live in an apartment, see if there is a community garden you can join or support a CSA.

Buy clothing and household goods made from natural fibers. Man-made fibers are created using petroleum by products. These fibers are then used for many things we buy – clothing, carpeting, curtains, blankets. Choose items made from natural fibers like cotton and wool.

Avoid canned food. Food additives are yet another petrochemical. Stick to a menu of fresh food that you grow yourself to save money.  Shop the local farmer’s market.

Don’t buy CD’s. These are made using petroleum products. Download MP3’s instead.

Use natural beauty products. Make-up, nail polish and lipstick are all made, at least partly, from oil. Hair dye is also created using petroleum products. Looking for some alternatives? Try:

• Aveda products. Ninety-nine percent of Aveda’s demi-permanent dye is plant-derived, and the permanent dyes are 97 percent plant-based.
• Read these eco-friendly tips.
• Research your brands on the Cosmetic Safety Database.

Switch to natural detergents and cleaners. Most laundry detergents and dishwasher soaps are made from oil products. Try cleaning with these alternatives:

• Seventh Generation
• Vinegar
• Baking Soda
• Plain water
• Essential oils for fragrance

Use soy candles instead of wax. Wax is a raw petroleum product. It is used to make candles, milk cartons and polishes.

Use Low VOC or VOC free paint. Many pigments, dyes, solvents, oil-based paints, plastic paints, and paint additives are manufactured from petrochemicals. Here’s a list of Low VOC and VOC free brands.

Have some tips to add?

Please leave a comment below. Finally, if you need a reason to try any of these solutions, click here.

Spread the love. If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people.

xoxo Melissa

Special thanks to John F. Katers, Associate Professor, Natural and Applied Sciences (Engineering), Co-Director, Environmental Management and Business Institute (EMBI), University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, who helped validate my information.

SEE ALSO:

I Want To Drive Less

A Moral Imperative to Drive Less

How You Can Actually Help The Gulf Oil Spill

Photos by ecstaticist, payalnic, marcp_dmoz

“You don’t sit down to form a poem. It forms you.”

I took notice of this line in Bright Star, a movie inspired by the biography of John Keats, the last born of the English Romantic poets. His advice on poetry was for Fanny Brawne, a lover, muse and poetry pupil.

While most of us don’t have the fortune of poets to “stare out the window waiting for inspiration,” we can still apply the advice of poets to living. Keats compared writing poetry to swimming in a lake – the point isn’t to get back on the shore. The point is to luxuriate in the water, the cool sensation against the skin.

In the same way, writing your own life should be more about the sensation than the shore.

Looking back at my list of possible “to-dos” now that I don’t have a day job, I felt more and more tired. How would I fit it all in?

Stop. The simple pleasures in life should never become busy work.

If you’re thinking, “It sure feels like that, lately,” take an afternoon off to float without a care. Shorten the to-do list. Simplify your schedule.

We all need to get things done, sure … but be don’t let the artist fall apart in the quest to form a life. Don’t let the hobbies and traditions become obligation instead of joy.

Leave space in your schedule for life to form you.

Savor every sunset.

Walk through a pocket of mist on a whim.

Marvel, stop and stare at art in motion.

Slow down.

Relax.

Listen to your body.

Listen to your heart.

When life is poetry, it becomes a soft swell and fall of splendor.

Spread the love. If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people.

xoxo Melissa

SEE ALSO:

How to live life like a winter sunset.

Come to your senses.

22 ways to practice the art of relaxation.

Photo by Έλενα Λαγαρία

My friend Jeffrey posted this little gem of advice:

“Don’t make blogging your life. First, go out and live.”

It resonated with me because, well, blogging is a big part of my life right now. I love it, but the truth is, sometimes, my life misses me.

Its the beautiful question of balance. Where does this fit in?

The same can be said for any hobby or passion.

You can swap “blogging” out for all the things taking up your life. Like this:

Don’t make outer beauty your life. First, go out and live.

First: Be beautiful.

Don’t make video games your life. First, go out and live.

First: Play.

Don’t make cleaning your life. First, go out and live.

First: Get dirty.

Because without living, I don’t have much to write about. Without Mr. Right and the kids, I don’t have much to say about blended families. Without all my responsibilities, I don’t have much to celebrate.

Ask yourself: How do I define living?

Do more of that. Start today.

Here are some of the best parts of living:

Sleeping in.

Snuggling.

Slow Sunday mornings at home.

A bath.

My sisters and brother, in any form.

Nieces and nephews running from room to room.

A husband trying to get lucky.

Kisses.

Homemade bread.

A nap with the dog.

White chocolate.

Watching a really good movie.

Playing Rockband.

Tea sweetened with honey.

Anytime the kids take my hand.

Getting the guest room ready.

Playing piano.

Reading.

Remembering what life’s really about.

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it.” -Ashley Smith

Photo by Gabriela Camerotti

“Maybe you’ll make it big!”

That was one of the last things the Press-Gazette ad director said after I quit my day job. I smiled and thought it over.

Yes, maybe.

Maybe I’ll go down in history as a “great writer.” Maybe they’ll turn my novel into a movie. Maybe everyone will know my name.

The dreams are there, but after coming back to reality, I decided: I don’t want to make it big.

I don’t want to focus on a self-serving goal like that.

The point of my art is to make a difference. To reveal a fresh perspective and share it without being a bore.

Today I’m telling myself: “Maybe you’ll make a difference.”

That’s a feeling I can spread across my mind like a blanket from heaven.

If you’re thinking, “I want to make a difference, too, but I’ll never go down in history as a great writer,” read on. Here’s a list of simple actions that really make a difference. So thank you.

Spread the love. If there is a writer, artist, jeweler or photographer in your life – tell people about their work. This is the number one way to help them. (Well, and buy their products, too. They’re called starving artists for a reason.)

Live with compassion. When someone is hurting, think of ways to alleviate their pain. Go out of your way, be thoughtful, be there.

Be quiet when you really want to scream. If you have kids, you know what I’m talking about.

Work hard. Don’t pass the buck.

Love your spouse. With all the ways we are connected, there are more opportunities than ever to meet incredible people. Don’t forget about the real-life people loving you everyday – and return the favor.

Do the right thing, even when no one’s looking.

Tell the truth.

Make music. Bang on a drum, take violin lessons, play piano with the ultra-cute neighbor baby.

Do something the hard way instead of the easy way. Like cook a meal with fresh ingredients and eat from reuseable plates.

Support local businesses.

Bike or walk with purpose. The mindset that walking and biking are only a form of leisure needs to change. Start biking to the grocery store. Walk to the post office. Make using your car the last resort instead of the first choice. Read Rowdy Kittens for advice.

Collaborate. Don’t compete.

Ask: “Who needs me today?”

Take care of yourself. For starters, exercise, eat right and get enough sleep.

Steal moments in the day to be still.

If you’re wondering what amount of love, grace, peace and kindness to share, take this advice:

Make it big.

SEE ALSO:

What Makes You Come Alive?

Go With The Flow And You’ll Gather Momentum Along The Way

Photo by mysi anne

I learned a new lesson this weekend: camping must be planned.

And yes, I learned it the hard way.

“Throw out the to-do list.” “Go with the flow.” “Don’t worry so much about the details.”

None of these apply to camping.

The Melissa That Plans starts camping prep at least a week before. The menu is decided. The weather forecast, noted. A dog sitter is booked.

But this time, I decided to get over my need for lists and menus.  Look at me! No control!

Never mind the fact that I would be stuck, alone, at the campsite, all. Day. Long.

It was hot. It was buggy. One can only live on potato chips and cheese curls for so long.

Looking to keep it simple when you camp?

Stick to these steps (and from now on, I will too.)

Assemble camping bins. This eliminates a lot of the packing pain from camping. I’ve used this method for years, and recently minimized the bins to only carry what we truly use. (Use two – much easier to lug around and move in and out of the tent.)

Inside Bin #1: Food Prep

• Plates, bowls, cups, utensils.
• Spatula
• Wine opener
• Can opener
• Tongs
• Frying pan
• Kettle
• Bag clips (clothes pins work)
• Propane fuel
• Salt & pepper
• Aluminum foil
• Roasting sticks
• Pocket knife
• Dunk bag
• Wash cloths & towels
• Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap (use it for everything when camping!)
• French press coffee maker

Inside Bin #2: Like-To-Haves

• Camp stove (we only need a single burner)
• Small first aid kit (which I used this weekend … on my daughter’s cut from shaving her legs.)
• Bug repellent
• Sunscreen
• Matches
• Garbage bags
• Flashlight & lantern
• Toilet paper
• Deck of cards
• Rope (for clothes line)
• Fly swatter
• Small umbrella
• Rain ponchos
• Medication buffet (pain relief, allergy, upset stomach)
• Tweezers (for slivers)
• Newspapers (to start the fire)
• Hatchet
• Mirror
• Small broom & pan

Make your own ice. A few days before, dump ice into a plastic bag that seals shut.

Plan a menu. Include one fruit or vegetable per meal to avoid the potato chip/cheese curl regret. We love cut veggies and dip. And there’s something about cantaloupe for breakfast in a camp chair that’s incredibly refreshing. Think portable with bananas and apples; wrap whole potatoes in foil and cook in the fire.

Clothing: simple and functional. Camping is dirty, so plan for it. I’ve often packed too minimalist for camping and regretted it later. If it rains, the pants and sweatshirts get muddy. Have a spare. Don’t forget the functional accessories like headbands, hats and sunglasses.

Let everyone own a towel. A variety of colors of patterns keeps towel waste minimal – one towel per family member.

Finally, don’t forget to pack the:

• Tent
• Cooler
• Refillable water jug
• Sleeping bags
• Pillows
• Camp chairs
• Rugs (for shedding shoes outside the tent)
• Duffel bags
• Toiletries
• Books
• Camera
• Bikes

Cheers to a summer filled with hot, buggy memories. (And please share your own camping tips below!)

If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people. This is the number one way you can support my writing.

xoxo Melissa

SEE ALSO:

How to put your favorite things into everyday life

Join me in the land of do as you please

Photo by Steve took it. Except the bins. Those are my real camping bins.

The problem with negativity is how quickly it spreads.

Hates craves hate. Anger feeds off anger.

When Little Boy hurts me by being disrespectful, my natural reaction is to want him to feel just as bad. The threats start manifesting. What started as a silly talk back soon becomes a negative back and forth chatter that grows into a huge, hideous spore. I’ve even threatened to sell his iPod Touch and use the money to go to a spa. (Somedays, I’m still tempted.)

Yes, negativity really brings out the ridiculous in us.

It’s easy to say the best course is to respond with kindness … and then sniff a vial of lavendar essential oil to calm the mind.

Too bad that’s not how real life usually goes, because the end result is usually a bunch of mental wounds and diseased relationships.

In my own life, for the 90% of negative interactions that end up bad, there are 10% that turn around. If you’re batting 100% right now, there is hope.

Here are some ways to handle yourself when being attacked with negativity:

Take a healthy smoke break. Smokers have one edge in life – the excuse to escape really hard situations. When I quit smoking, it became much harder to deal with negativity. When I smoked, a puff break could bring me back down. You can still do that (just don’t smoke). Step outside and close the door. Look around. See how the world hasn’t stopped. The big picture comes into focus.

Ask the attacker: “How can I help you?” Not in a snotty or condescending way – but because you truly want to help. Most negativity is a cry for help and you’ll be amazed how such a simple phrase can soften the mood.

Tickle children. Laughter is a natural way to get them in a better mood.

Tell the attacker what you want. “I want you to know I am not your enemy right now.” “I want you to talk in a respectful way before I can answer that.” “I want to take a break and come back to this later.”

Say nothing.

Cultivate compassion. Negativity can really grab hold of our minds. Even when the interaction ends, the scars remain. This leaves the door open for more and more fights. If there is an attacker in your life, try these 7 practices.

They truly helped me and I know they can help you, too.

If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people. This is the number one way you can support my writing.

xoxo Melissa

Photo by Tina Jimenez – noemi Ji