I loved Eclipse.

This is coming from the girl that rolled her eyes at Twilight and got really bored watching New Moon.

The third movie in the Twilight series left me breathless from beginning to end. My hopeless romantic side came to life. Sure, I floated back to Earth when the lines between fantasy and reality crossed… like when Edward said, “let’s wait until we’re married” as Bella was about to rip her clothes off.

It was right about then I started thinking about love and marriage in the present.

I was sad to admit it: Romance is dead.

Pretty much, anyways. In fact, Mr. Right is much more romantic than me, and supposedly, being a girl, I feed on that stuff.

My view is this: As people got busy, and then literally, “got busy,” the definition of romance was compromised. Even a hopeless romantic like myself has been dulled by birthday sex on the radio and plain exhaustion from making it through the day.

The first thought when I wrote “romance” and “everyday” was: who has the time?

Eclipse reminded me to make the time. Fight to keep romance alive and drink it in.

Looking for some easy ways to inject romance into everyday life? Try to:

Plan talking dates. Once the kids are in bed or the work put away, be present, TV and distractions off. Look at each other. Fall in love sharing ideas and dreams again.

Spark romance with romance. It’s easy to wait for the other person to make the first move. Start with the only thing you can control – yourself. Write a poem, give a back massage with no strings attached, buy flowers, send a sweet text message.

Shower together. This doesn’t have to lead to sex. Just enjoy the view, get clean and soak in a wet kiss.

Snuggle. Reach over to the other side of the bed and cuddle up, no matter how badly you need sleep.

Simply think of the other person. Pick up his favorite item at the grocery store, pour a glass of wine, take over the dishes for the night.

Cook together. Come up from behind to steal a kiss.

Dust off and open the wedding photo album.

Read in bed together. Just being quiet in the same room can be incredibly romantic.

Hold hands and walk around your own yard. See how the garden is growing, check out the new flowers popping up, share your plans for the patio.

Plan against routine. It’s so easy to fall into a rut and take each other for granted. Make it a routine to do the opposite. Steal away for the weekend, role play, have date nights just the two of you.

Fight counter-romance. Are you quick to point out the faults and expect the favors? Take a moment to think about how you act and behave, both in public and private. If something makes your cringe, make it better.

Slow dance. With or without music, with or without coordination.

Share an umbrella. The closeness reminds me: There is only him. When it rains, let romance pour.

All of my best nights have happened since I met you. – Edward Cullen, Eclipse

Photo by Miriam Cardoso de Souza

Spread the love. If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people.

SEE ALSO:

Easy Ways to Stop Being so Busy

How to Improve Marriage and Slow Down Life at the Same Time

Writers tend of have a lot of opinions. I know I do.

My ideas about the best way to live are shared on this platform each week, and also in my daily life.

The problem I’ve found is this: a blog is something people choose to read.

The advice to those in my personal life – well, that’s not the same thing.

While my blog’s purpose is to help people – mostly by sharing my own trial and error – real life is different.

People don’t always want to hear the latest and greatest “answer.”

Mostly they just need me to listen. Not advise. Not instruct.

It’s puzzled me for years. In a world full of self-help, how do people end up in a mess? How can I stand by without sharing my knowledge with a chronically angry child, depressed parent or self-destructive friend?

Believe it or not, sharing the results of your internet research isn’t the answer. It’s not telling them how to change. It’s not diagnosing them.

I’ve learned this simple rule the hard way.

If you want to help someone who is hurting:

Love them.

That’s it.

I’ve done the berating, the lectures, the letters. None of it works.

The only time I seem to break through is when I love.

It happens with family members.

It happens with my children.

It happens in my marriage.

To write with cliche:

All we need is love.

Focus on it, gather it up like a rare flower.

Take a running jump and swim around until it carries you away.

Love your beloved.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. – 1 Corinthians 13:13

If my writing helps or inspires you, please share it with other people. This is the number one way you can support my writing.

xoxo Melissa

Photo by dhammza

Mr. Right found a meteorite.

In case you aren’t stunned by the coolness of that fact, here’s some statistics to help out:

• A meteorite is a fragment of rock and/or metal from outer space.
• It’s valuable – the rock is potentially worth thousands of dollars.
• It contains elements not native to Earth.

His obsession started after watching this video of the metor that blazed across the sky in southern Wisconsin.

Meteor Madness: Space fireball lights up night sky in Wisconsin

When he told me he planned to pack up the kids and head down to hunt meteorites, I have to admit my skepticism was high.

“I married a nutter.”

But hearing his excitement and passion, I did what any good wife would do – I said, “See ya! Have a fun time!”

10:30 p.m. the next day, he walked through the door with a meteorite. As the freaky awesomeness began to set in (ok, so the article about it being worth thousands sure helped), Mr. Right made this endearing statement:

“I was thinking about naming it after your blog.”

That brought a smile. “Really? What do you mean?”

“Well, I think they tie-in together. You’re always telling people to do their amazing work, no matter how crazy it sounds. This is my amazing work.”

And some really creative publicity, for sure.

Turns out, meteorites aren’t named like that – but his idea made a meaningful crater in my heart.

The truth is, that hunk of falling star stands for a lot in our life. It stands for:

- The age of information. 10 years ago, there’s no way Mr. Right would stand a chance hunting meteorites. He gathered all his information using Google – searching for Doppler images, overlaying his predictions using satellite maps. He didn’t need a degree in science or fancy funding. In fact, he spent the night in the car in a gas station parking lot.

- Forward movement equals progress. Was standing in a farmer’s field trying to find a space needle in a haystack daunting? I’m sure. But he and the kids kept walking forward. They didn’t quit, even after 9 hours of searcing. Movement was the focus.

- It stands for love. We won’t have a meteorite named after Peace & Projects after all. But the real treasure here isn’t a chunk of space rock.

It’s the nerdy, supportive man that comes with it.

SEE ALSO:

80 Day Project: Easy Steps To Write Your Own Life

How To Make Sparks

Your Life Will Be Better Once This Happens

Photo by Stefanvds(.com)

I love photography.

I love that there are thousands of amazing photos at my fingertips – like a sky full of stars, waiting for someone to stop and pay attention.

When searching for photos to match blog posts, there’s always some cool shots that don’t fit my story. Check them out below … What do you see? What do you feel at the sight?

For a few, easy seconds, get carried away in the art of photography.

Do you see … A dancer that wants to dance a different dance? What are you waiting for?

Do you see … A place where the cares of the world evaporate?

Do you see … The mind when dreams come true?

Do you see … The next stop?

I’d love to know: What do you see?

SEE ALSO:

- My free eBook: How To Make Sparks.

- Remember Where You Came From

- This awesome photo blog.

Photos by qthomasbower, Anna Gay, ViaMoi, joiseyshowaa, Adam Foster | Codefor, nolifebeforecoffee

My project this week is to start everyday a little better than the last.

Besides a routine to let love follow me out the door, I’m starting each morning with a simple act of love.

It doesn’t take long – maybe an extra minute or two. Because I’ve noticed how easy it is to get selfish in the morning – when can I take a shower, when can I get out the door, when can I, I, I.

First things first, think about someone other than your awesome self.

Start the day with a simple act of love.

Here are some ideas to help love lead your day:

- Offer to make someone breakfast.

- Do a task they normally do themself. Set out the kids’ backpacks. Pack your lover’s lunch. Brush your daugher’s hair.

- Pour a cup of coffee just the way they like it.

- Spend a few minutes cleaning up their mess.

- Call your mom just to say good morning.

- Give your pet a treat.

- Give someone an honest compliment – in person, on their Facebook wall, send a text.

- Say yes to something you normally shoot down.

- Give a one-minute shoulder massage.

- Make their bed.

- Write a note of encouragement.

- Leave a comment on your friend’s blog.

- Plan a healthy dinner and think about who you can share it with.

- Think about it: Who needs you today?

- Send a card, just because.

What other simple acts of love can you add?

Photo by Alex Dram

I pass a group of short, brown apartment buildings every day on my way to work.

They’re grubby and old along one of the busiest morning streets.

At the beginning of the school year, I noticed a mom and her young daughter waiting for the school bus on a tiny patch of side lawn. They weren’t waiting like a lot of people might be – glancing at the time, impatient and cranky, or worse, a girl standing alone as her mom backed out of the driveway on the way to work.

They caught my eye because they seemed to really enjoy the time together, day after day. They talked and laughed, hugged and twirled.

I wondered, what was their story? Why did a 40 year-old mother wearing business clothes live in Grubby Brown-ville? And why didn’t it seem to matter, as she engaged in a morning laugh with her 6 year-old in front of all the people passing them, seeing their short apartment?

I wondered, what went wrong with their plans for life? Where did they dream of living?

Today, it rained. I don’t mean a gentle, morning sprinkle, I mean a rain where the sky opened up, where rain pummeled the pavement. They were there, beneath a pink and white umbrella, the mom with her arms wrapped around her daughter’s waist, chin on top of her head beneath the torrent.

The image of their family passed in slow motion.

It was an image that said, hold onto the people you love.

It said, hold onto them, even when it’s raining really really really hard.

It said: this is love.

This matters.

“To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.” -Karen Sunde

Photo by cabbit

“But love is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.” -Leonard Cohen

The cycle of loving someone can be tricky.

A relationship goes around in circles every year, every day, every hour.

At the top, we’re awed. Everything is wonderful – your lover is close and next to you. He can do no wrong.

Then, we start to notice things. His religion doesn’t match. He leaves dishes sit out, not just for an hour, but overnight. He loses his wallet and whistles. A lot.

As the differences pile up, we float back to earth. We wonder if we can stand hobbies we don’t understand. Will we help find that wallet, again? If you’ve been in love, then you know the answer is “yes,” most of the time. But not always.

You’ll ask yourself: Am I in or out?

And so goes the cycle, in my own marriage, too. Because in the last four months, I went from not having a blog to finding this new fire in life. I haven’t felt this alive in years.

My marriage entered a season of reassessment.

Mr. Right has always been my biggest fan. But we had to face this beast. In the morning, it’s my laptop blazing beside our bed instead of a sultry snuggle. At night, its me alone, chasing my dreams instead of us together watching a movie. We still make time to connect, but it’s different. Our time is limited. I’m a little different from the girl he married three years ago.

So face the question: In or out? Separate or recommit? We could let the change come between us, or find a way to come together. A way that’s different from four months ago, but a way that works. A way we both win.

It wasn’t easy or pretty, but we did. We faced the fears building up, the  frustrations and changes. We let truth burn away the rubbish until we found each other, again. We fought for a way to win.

He’s still my biggest fan.

And I wanted to use this sacred place, my artwork, to tell him – I’m his.

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” –Elizabeth Barrett Browing

Photo by mohammadali

One Saturday morning, everyone got up on the wrong side of the bed, with one notable exception.

Little Boy was making racket, shattering my peaceful dreams. Little Girl was still asleep, but sure to wake like a grumpy bear at any moment from the noise.

I threw back the feather comforter and marched out to shush Little Boy. My reprimand was met with an onslaught of backtalk and sass. Mr. Right stomped out to add his two cents, and I could hear Little Girl rumpling her sheets.

During this exchange, the dog galloped around my feet, unaware that racket and Saturday mornings don’t mix. His owners were awake! It was the best thing that happened all day!

At the sight, Mr. Right had an absurd epiphany: the dog should be our family role model.

“Oh, very helpful, I said.

But he was serious. For the next 20 minutes, he studied the dog and his movements around our home.

It went something like this:

- Enter kitchen, sniff air. Greet Mr. Right nd I and wait for head scratch. Wag tail.

- Walk to Little Boy’s rom, wag tail as he acknowledges presence. Wander to Little Girl’s room, repeat process.

- Family accounted for, walk to living room. Sigh contentedly.

- Curl up for a nap on the couch and experience the best day ever as Mr. Right naps at the other end. Wag tail.

Days have passed with our newly appointed role model and I’m starting to come out of the doghouse. I realized that when Little Boy is wrecking a perfect Saturday morning, I get angry. I don’t look at him with love and affection, and in that moment, I don’t even care about his happiness – I just want the racket stopped, right now. RIGHT NOW, DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Not the dog. He’s just elated by our presence, our voices. He loves us that much.

That’s the kind of attitude that makes a happy home.

Here’s how to follow in his pawsteps:

Look at loved ones with incredible love and joy at all times. It helps to remember the happiest, fondest memory you have together, even if they are sassing you. Or complaining about not getting a cell phone even though ALL her friends have one. Instead, recall how Little Girl’s teacher was in tears reviewing her sucesses of the quarter. Its easy to play a part in Little Boy’s backtalk, but how about the time he said, “You’ve taught me so much. What would I do without you?”

When a loved one says your name, “wag your tail.” Even if its, “Mom, Little Boy is bugging me,” or, “Wife, I forgot the checkbook in my work truck.” They thought of you. They said your name. You mean something and they need you.

Wag.

When someone is upset, don’t speak. Simply look into their eyes, letting the love you feel become evident. Mr. Right has been doing this for days, and the expression is so ridiculous, I can’t help but start laughing.

Try it.

Recite a dog’s compassion ritual. During a hard week, it helps to start my mornings with this compassion ritual. After reciting it one morning, Mr. Right asked if I wanted to hear his. I played along and here it is:

Look into the eyes of those you love.
Wag your tail.
Wag your tail.
Wag your tail.

Photo by Pedro Moura Pinheiro

1. You’re so beautiful to me.

2. I missed you so much.

3. Do you need my help? Changing the oil? Mailing those manuscripts? Money?

4. You’re better off… without him, with him, leaving him, marrying him.

5. I’ll always love you, no matter what. Even if she says she hates you, or thinks you’re stupid, or embarrassing.

6. I can’t imagine life without you.

7. What’s wrong, baby-girl?

8. I’m so happy to see you.

9. Where’s my little… Princess, Punkin, Sweetie Pie?

10. You’re the most beautiful girl in the whole world.

photo by benjamingettinger

photo by jcoterhals

Every Friday is Project Day at Peace & Projects.

Love always gets me.

Specifically, writing about love. I get choked up over my own writing all the time. It leaves me on the brink of tears during copy edit and melts my senses without warning.

There’s something about reading love that makes us all a little weak in the knees. So if its been a week, year or 20 years since the last time you wrote your lover a letter, today is the day to dust off cupid’s pen.

Don’t have a lover? How about writing to one of these people in your life:

- Grandparents

- Kids

- Nieces and nephews

- Best friend

- Secret crush (send or save, its up to you!)

If the idea of a letter is intimidating, try a sentence. Try three words. A Post-It note! Anything that will tell someone how much you love them – it could take 5 seconds or 500.

To begin, turn off distractions like the TV, music and blogs. Reflect on the person and create a mental image of them in a happy moment. Turn this image over and over in your mind until you feel full.

Choose an opening that fits your relationship. “Dear honey buns.” “Hey, hot stuff.” “My darling.”

Next, recall a special memory between the two of you. “I’ll never forget the first day we met…” then embellish with details… “and the way you looked at me from across the room.”

Tell why you’re writing the letter: “Today, I remembered that first feeling of passion between us.”

Then scatter memories like rose petals, drizzle compliments like massage oil. Be specific. Explain what you love about them, or what they did, or how they treat you right. Add hopes and dreams for the future.

Forever yours. Still your sweetheart. Love you more every day.

xoxo

Aw.

Get a FREE love letter kit from thinkmarriage. Go to the site, then scroll down to: Free things from thinkmarriage to send them an email.

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